I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
