mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
