so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
