Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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