my vag is so smooth its legendary
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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