im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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