Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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