I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
