how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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