he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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