we're chasing vodka with high fives
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
