Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
