Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
