dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
