Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
