he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
