if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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