i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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