my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
