so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I have aggressive nipples.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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