p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
