Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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