You can't special order awesome
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize