Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
