420 ftw
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
