Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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