Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
