Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
