Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
