I'm so fucking centered right now
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My dick has a subreddit
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
