my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
