took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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