We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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