Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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