All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
