I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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