I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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