I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
