dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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