i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
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