I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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