R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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