worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
