I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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