I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
