At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
