Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
