Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
why is half of my head shaved?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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