im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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