Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
