kristin has been a bad kristin
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
