After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
