As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
