with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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