just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize