whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
