i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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