Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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