U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize