Fuck appropriateness.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
