hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
