You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
