ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
someone get that fucking seahorse.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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