she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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