Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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