im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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