I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
my shit smells like andre
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
