I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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