this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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