At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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