My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
