the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
