Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
