So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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