and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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