i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Randomize
