I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
