she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
