I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
