I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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