I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
