Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Can I color on your dick again?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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