the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Success! We fucked roommates!
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