When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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