I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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