how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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