i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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