"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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