no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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